sweats

Do you ever have one of those days when you wake up at 5:30 and pick out - what you think is - a normal, cute outfit. You get through part of the morning and realize that you are wearing something that is so annoying, totally uncomfortable and now, not cute at all. Now imagine, if you will, that you decide to make it an easy night and leave school at 5 pm instead of 7 pm....all you can think about is changing into sweatpants and drinking a beer. Let's just pretend that you notice - minutes before walking out the door of your classroom - that you inadvertently SENT HOME YOUR HOUSE KEYS WITH ONE OF YOUR FIRST GRADERS.

You know what? Not a big deal. Call the dad....oh, he's in Manhattan? Ok....get the keys tomorrow. Now - call the only other person who has a set of keys. Maybe his phone is dead? Maybe it's turned off because he's in class until 8 pm....won't be home until 9. No problem. This is New York! You have plenty to do. Work, clean up some more, work....take the subway home, wander to a corner store and buy a cheesey magazine, walk slowly to a pizza joint and get a beer, page through....chat with mom on the phone.

9:00....go home. The security door doesn't catch everytime, so let's pretend it's open and you can sit in the hallway on the indoor outdoor carpeting. What if? What if you tried to break into the apartment with a credit card for a half hour and nobody heard or cared? Except maybe piggie who pressed his fat face to the crack at the bottom of the door and cried. It's quite easy to break into an apartment with a credit card, I would think, especially if you had 40 uninterrupted minutes and a need to pee. And all you could think about was sweatpants.